Coping with your relationship in isolation
Firstly and most importantly, try not to get stressed or anxious about the virus. Stress and anxiety can suppress your immune system and right now we need to be as strong as possible to fight off this virus.
For those of us working from home, facing isolation due to the virus or worse still, not being able to work because we’re self employed and the work has stopped, means we could be spending a lot more time with our partners.
This in itself, can be stressful if we let it be. Spending time with our partners can be really nice because we are usually working hard, rushing around taking care of the house, kids, chores, DIY etc. We need to look at the positive aspect of spending a lot of time together. Time that we are usually robbed of because we spend more time working and apart than we spend together.
Useful tips for a peaceful period of isolation;
Have patience with each other. This is new territory and something most of us aren’t used to. We will be sharing our space more often than we usually do which can be challenging when it comes to morning routines etc. Sharing the bathroom at times you usually don’t have to. Watching TV, especially if we are used to watching programmes at a certain time and with our partners present, this isn’t possible because you either want to spend the time with them instead or that they want to be in control of the TV! Remember that most of us have access to recording TV shows to watch later so we can avoid arguments over that. We just need to remember to hit the record button!
When we are spending a lot of time with our partners we need to ensure we are really focussing on each other. Taking time to listen to each other and enjoy the time together as much as possible by playing games, making future plans and deciding the best way to spend the time we have together.
Being in isolation is an ideal time to sort cupboards, wardrobes and drawers. Set timers to run around the house for 12 minutes finding 27 things to throw out or send to the charity shop as suggested by Marla Cilley aka The Flylady.
If you have children to consider, break the day up into 30 min slots (60 min slots if the kids are older). Spend 30 mins with the children doing something with them. Then spend 30 mins doing something you need to do whilst they watch TV or play. The more prepared and relaxed you are about these activities the better your days will be.
When we spend more time with our partners we can get frustrated with them when things aren’t going well. We can fall into the trap of trying to be right and in so doing we make the our partners wrong. Nobody likes to be wrong so if we can avoid making our partners wrong that will help to keep the time as peaceful as possible.
It is important that we share the chores, share the childcare if needed and give each other some time and space to do something that is just simply for ourselves. Try and stick to routines as much as possible. Remember our relationships are not all about getting they are about giving. When we focus on our partner’s needs as if they were our own, we will experience a level of connection and fulfilment within our relationships that we have never experienced before. To understand our partner’s needs better we can ask them what makes them feel loved.
In times of fear and uncertainty it is so important to have fun. Think of novel ways to enjoy the time and explore some things you usually don’t have time or make time for. Play games with the children, get them involved and ask them to create games you could play. Download pictures fro. Crayola.com to colour in. Take some time to plan each day so that everyone has focus and purpose. We can easily struggle with isolation if we don’t have a reason to get up in the morning and have something to look forward to.
Stay safe and remember our partners may have different feelings and emotions around coronavirus…..they are not wrong just different.
Divorce Lawyers are reporting that they have been receiving an increased number of calls enquiring about divorce since the outbreak of Coronavirus. Couples are facing a very challenging time not just because they are in isolation but a great number of people who are...
I get asked this question a lot and it is a complicated answer because no two people and no two relationships are the same. The basis of Relationship Coaching which is different from Relationship Counselling or Marriage Counselling, is looking at each person as an...
It's not my fault is a phrase I often hear with Relationship Coaching. So, whose fault is it? If we are constantly blaming someone else for what is happening in our lives and relationships we are looking to make them wrong, make it all their fault. Who likes to be...